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A boundary is a clear request that we make of others from a place of love. Boundaries are there to help prevent humans from violating things that bother us in our life.
When we set a boundary with someone, we plan ahead and present a clear consequence of what we will do if they violate our boundary for our own self-protection.
So with a friend who is notoriously late, you may say, “If you are more than 15 minutes late, I will leave for the party and just meet you there.”
And boundaries are not meant to control other people.
A boundary allows you to remain empowered by clarifying what YOU will do if someone does something that violates your rules. It is not imposing behaviors onto them or from them.
So if someone does not call you back, this is not a boundary issue, because they can choose not to call back. You can’t control what other people do.
A boundary for me is that if you are a smoker, I will choose to visit with you outside only. Another boundary for me is loving my friends that change plans frequently by only committing to plans with them with the knowledge that those plans are likely going to change, and I am OK with that ahead of time.
A boundary is a consequence of something you are going to do to maintain a promise to yourself. Ways to say and do things with love without causing negative emotions or punishing them.
You are taking the action.
Most importantly, providing boundaries with consequences, and following through with them, is super important because the other person may not even recognize that they are being disruptive.
Remember, boundaries can come out of a place of love, they are not meant to be an attack on the other person.
