Never go to bed angry… Yeah right!
Being in partnership can be a wonderful experience,
it does not come without its challenges. 👫
When conflict arises, we respond in ways that attempt to protect us from feeling underlying pain and heartache. When in conflict, we don’t like feeling the disappointment, hurt, or neglect that comes up for us.
So, instead of feeling these shitty feelings that may be coming up for us when in conflict, we often choose to become angry.
Our angry response feels more powerful to us than allowing those painful feelings of hurt or resentment to surface and be present.
The power that comes with feeling angry makes us feel like we are still in control… even though that is the farthest from the truth.
(When emotion is HIGH, intelligence is LOW, right?)
A more productive way for dealing with conflict with your partner is to become aware of your own thoughts about the situation.
You can start to become more aware of your thoughts by asking yourself questions such as:
💜 What am I thinking?
💜 How am I contributing to this conflict?
💜 Why do I need to be right about this?
💜 Can I see where my partner is at least 10% right?
The need to be right costs us so much.
But what does being right really get you?
A sense of indulgent satisfaction?
A false sense of power?
An emotionally disconnected partnership?
Is it worth ultimately costing you the intimacy in your relationship? 🤔
What would happen if you gave up the need to be right?
What if you let your partner tell you why they are right without trying to prove to them that they are wrong?
What if you looked at the conflict with curiosity?
Can you allow your partner to share why they are right, not offer to them why you are right, and then simply work like you’re on the same team together to figure out SOLUTIONS instead of rehashing the problem?
I challenge you.
When faced with conflict, decide who you want yourself to be, and how YOU want to show up going forward. 🦋
Ready to start implementing these tools specific to your situations?
Contact me today for a Discovery Consultation and let’s do this.